Pot Puffin

Pot Puffin

I can see why a puffin wouldn’t be concerned about legalizing gay marriage or pot, but I wonder what issues he thinks are more pressing. Maybe he thinks the United States should focus its attention and resources on expanding fish populations in the Arctic. Do puffins lobby?

Anyway…least important? I beg to differ, utterly transparent conservative meme maker. Let’s start with cannabis; as I’ve mentioned before, I cannot think of any good reasons why weed should be illegal, particularly if alcohol and tobacco aren’t. Why is the legalization of pot a pressing issue? Because tens of thousands of people are being sent to prison for nothing more than a few grams. Furthermore, black people are far more likely than white people to be jailed for cannabis-related “offenses”, despite the fact that black people and white people use pot with about the same frequency, or so says Dylan Matthews in the Washington Post’s Wonkblog. If we cannot come up with legitimate data-supported reasons why cannabis should be illegal, then draft laws that affect everyone equally (and in my opinion, we cannot), then perhaps it’s time to rethink our position.

Now, let’s talk about gay marriage and why it’s such an important issue, worthy of our consideration. Like it or not, Mr Insensitive Puffin, gay people are human too (just like gay puffins are puffins, I guess). Our nation was built on the notion that all people, gay or straight, black or white, man or woman, were created equal. (Cue American flag waving in the background.) We’ve fought wars about this, for crying out loud. If we’re going to claim to be a nation that values life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, then we cannot use our religious convictions as an excuse to strip people of the rights we take for granted, like the right to marry whom we choose. We need to ensure that all people can enjoy the right to get hitched, or else we’ve fallen short of our most basic goal. In that case, there’s no point in pursuing the issues you consider to be more important (presumably, determining whether President Obama is a US citizen or not).

Look, Mr Conservative Puffin, your motives are obvious. You increasingly find yourself swimming against the tide of public opinion, so you wish to switch oceans (and I think my metaphor got waterlogged). But it doesn’t work that way. Conservative puffins have spent years blathering on about the dangers inherent in legalizing pot, gay marriage, and about a dozen other things that don’t mesh with their idea of traditional American values. When the world changes without you, you cannot simply claim that these issues are no longer important. They’re important now more than ever; you’ve made sure of that. Now is the time to address them.