I’m going to write a program that creates random memes. The first part of the program will generate a statistic that may or may not be true, and which has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the meme. The second part will promise good fortune that the average meme is powerless to deliver, and the third part will be a mafia-esque threat.
“20% of all left-handed people are from Russia. Since you read this, you’ll find a crisp $20-bill this afternoon. If you don’t repost it, your children’s children will regret it.”
“58% of polar bears are considered obese. Since you read this, your best friend will treat you to dinner tonight. If you don’t repost it, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes, see?”
The meme’s content is actually not its saddest aspect. The worst part is that somebody actually reposted it! Somebody apparently thinks that a hastily-created image has godlike powers of life and death (or at least fortune and misfortune). Can you imagine if that were the case? Meme-related deaths would skyrocket. Creating a Facebook account would cause your insurance premiums to go up. The mafia might actually use memes as a way of whacking somebody.
“Jimmy the Weasel ratted us out to the cops. Send him…the meme.”